Weight a minute...

ok, let's talk about this. our society has made it really hard on women, in particular, to be happy with themselves, no matter what they look like. for example. you have actresses like kelly ripa saying she was overweight in high school...she weighed 128 pounds. you have people talking about how huge renee zellweger got for the bridget jones movies...she was in a size 14 (the average size of american women). you have designer clothes that don't make clothes above a certain size. when was the last time you saw the average woman, not starr jones or oprah winfrey, wearing prada? and i don't mean the shoes. when you are fat, you have to shop at a special store and the prices are just as inflated as the clothes. it is so hard to come to terms with who you are and what you are worth in this country when everytime you turn around you see women killing themselves to be skinny. women who think they will not be loved if they are an ounce overweight. the pressure for men is not as bad. no, it's not. there is a brand of jeans called evisu...they are really expensive, designer jeans. when you go to the women's section, you will be hard pressed to find the jeans in plus sizes. i know a guy who is really big, and don't you know he was able to find a pair of evisu jeans for himself!!!! why is it that glamour is associated with thin? have you noticed that when you watch commercials, the classy, rich women are portrayed as thin. when you see a commercial featuring low income families or for discount stores (such as the big lots commercial), the women they use are frumpy, overweight and plain. so, i am talking to my friends today. i love them and they love me, so when they heard what i said they jumped on it because they wanted to be sure that i know i am priceless and that i am beautiful no matter what i look like. i said, "i got on the scale today and it was down 4 pounds. 4 down, 80 more to go!!!" ok, the number is high. at least, it seems so to them. to me, it is not really high, but my experience and knowledge has taught me that to put a number on weight loss is really very hard. you see, i am pretty muscular. i am also, overweight, but under all the fat, i have a lot of muscle. because muscle is denser than fat, the number i see on the scale is higher. having said that, i can really stand to lose a lot of weight. see, i don't want to lose weight to get a boyfriend, to get a job or to be beautiful. i am already beautiful. i love who i am. i am a good person, i treat people well and i can even honestly say that i think i am pretty easy on the eyes. of course everyone has those days when they just feel like warmed over shit. i have those days, but all in all, i can look in the mirror and find something about myself that i love. so, why am i discussing all this? well, because i want to make a point. you see, i don't have a problem with myself. i want to lose weight so that i can be more comfortable. in my clothes, out of my clothes, in the heat, on the train, on the bus, at a park, etc. i am doing it for myself, but the pressure in this society is so high that when i mentioned losing weight, my friends thought that i was putting an unrealistic number on the loss and they actually got worried about me. it is because they care for me. i know that, but it is just amazing to me to see that it was necessary. because, you see, a lot of people need that. they don't have the friends and the family that i have. they really think that they need to be skinny to be loved. i'm thankful to have my friends who make me feel really good about myself. i am thankful to have friends that want to protect me from potentially hurting myself to fit the image that society says i should be. i am thankful to have my friends...