20051012

Same Script, Different Cast

so, this seems to happen to me all the time and i just can't understand why. ok, i meet someone. a really cool guy and then he says, "you know you are really cool and i would like to hang out more and get to know you a little more. can i have your number so we can keep in touch?" of course,i give him my number because if i am talking to him and enjoyin myself, we obviously can talk and i like someone that i can have good conversation with because i am a talker. so, we talk, 2, maybe 3 times and all of a sudden, i don't ever hear from him again. now, you would think that i have a problem, right? yes, of course. maybe i am saying too much. maybe i am not saying enough. maybe a mixture of both depending on what we are talking about, but the same thing tends to happen. i will stop calling also and i will not contact him in any way. the next thing i know, he is blowing up my phone and he is emailing me and, all of a sudden, he wants to talk to me all the time. or, he will see me out and then he will be so sorry that he didn't call me before and he wants to call me again, if that's ok with me. ok, why does this happen? i don't think i say too much. i am just me. when it comes to talking about relationships, i will tell you want i feel. if you ask me a question, be prepared for the answer or else don't ask it. for example, question: what are you looking for in a man? answer: well, that is kind of a broad question, but i guess i can sum it all up by saying that first, i am assuming that the man in question is someone that i am talking to and getting to know and may have romantic feelings for. second, the main thing i look for is honesty. i want someone to be straight forward with me. i am a straight forward person. i will tell you if you do something i don't like, but i will also tell you if you do something i am happy with. i am no holds barred. now, for the man that says he wants to get to know me and who i am, that should be refreshing to know that i am going to be honest with you and all i want from you is to be honest with me. but the next thing i know, he is closed...just like a clam shell. now, why are men so scared of women? that is the question i want to know. and on the other hand, i want to know why this "challenge" just makes me want to conquer this man? when i have conquered him (which i have sometimes done), i don't want him anymore anyway. why am i so attracted to the thrill of the chase? and why do men feel like they have to be so elusive? it makes absolutely no sense to me and i don't think i will ever understand it and i have to tell you, honestly, i am getting really tired of it!

20051005

I'm it, but I'm late!!!!!!

Ten years ago: 1995...hmmm, it was the first year of my bad 4 year relationship after which i have had NO real relationship! geez, i'm starting out bad, but i do have to say, i loved college. i had a great time at the beginning.

Five years ago: well, 2000 was worse than 1995. i almost flunked out of college because i fell into a deep depression after the "break-up" and didn't leave my apartment. no, not even to go to class. but i did major damage control and got mostly incompletes, worked my ass off that summer and walked. i had 2 more credits to earn, so i took a correspondence course about a year and a half later and got my degree. yeah, those were hard years for me.

One year ago: i was doing the same thing i am doing now, making less money, but i was 25 lbs lighter! time does not seem to be on my side.

Five snacks:
-Almonds
-Pecans
-Cashews (i guess i should just say nuts, huh?)
-Celery and peanut butter
-Popcorn

Five songs I know all the words to:
- "Superwoma" Karen White
- "My Way" Frank Sinatra
- "O Holy Night" who did write that?
- "The Star Spangled Banner" Francis Scott Key (right?)
- thanks DQ...a lot of tv theme songs

Five things I would do with $100 million:
- share with my family
- pay off my debt
- travel and invest
- donate to charity
- work part time and leave time to pursue my dreams

Five places to run away to:
- Home (my mom's house)
- the part
- a bar
- my room
- anywhere, but the U.S.

Five things I would never wear:
- anything made of wool
- anything spandex
- my hair in a wrap "style"
- a jheri curl
- ugg boots

Five favorite TV Shows:
- Charmed
- all the CSI's
- ER
- Alias
- Medium

Five biggest joys:
- my nieces
- singing along to music i love
- reading a great book with a great love story (thanks again, DQ)
- being loved by someone, for real (although, that hasn't happened to me. i am just guessing)
- being on stage

Five favorite toys:
- anything electronic
- anything new
- um, my unmentionables
- my knitting needles
- a paint brush and canvas

Five people to pass this on to:
everyone i know has done this, so i am going to stop it here.

You found out...

i got a crush on you!!!!! oh yes, i have a huge crush. ask my friends and they will tell you that i am going to marry this man! at least that is what i say. "i met the man i want to marry!" want and what you get are sometimes very different things though. so what do you do when you have a huge crush on someone and you figure that they may have some idea, but you really want to be friends with this person because they are one of the coolest people you have ever met? what happens when they think your crush will get in the way of having a normal friendship and they forego being friends with you to avoid those awkward moments that may happen when only one person in the friendship has deeper feelings for the other? who knows! who cares, really?! i don't. at least not now. at this point, i am content on just having a crush. i am a dreamer. day or night, they just seem to run through my head all the time. even as i am typing this, i catch myself daydreaming. i can't control it!

so, what happens next? nothing. i just crush on! and enjoy the ride!