OMG!!!!!!!

so, i had an audition yesterday. how did it go? not well. i was there, waited to be seen only to stand in front of a camera and be told that i don't look like i resemble the women they are portraying, so they won't be having me read for a part. WHAT?! i sent you mother fuckers my picture. you couldn't look at the shit and tell me that? why even call me in for an appointment if i don't look like the mother fuckers? what a waste of time. so, i meet up with some friends in central park and on my way to see them i run into my crush...*eyelashes batting* he is such a cutie. we talk for a minute or so and we go on our merry ways. so, we (i was with another great buddy of mine) continue on and we meet the other friends that we are there to meet. a friend i knew in college and his girlfriend. we go out to dinner and i find out that my biggest crush actually lives in the same city as i do now!!!!!!! i freaked out!!!! oh, but wait, he's married now!!!!! happily? i hope so and i hope not. you see, i know his wife and she does NOT deserve him. he is way too good of a guy. everyone that knows him knows this, so i hope for his happiness one one hand, but on the other hand, if he was not happy, that opens the door for me. i'm not a home wrecker and i would never try to break a marriage up, but i sure would step in if he wanted to leave it!!!!!! so anyway, i will probably never have the chance to see him again. i'm ok with that, i think. i'm not, if i'm being honest. he is the one that got away...at least in my eyes. i know that we could be happy and at one time he knew it too...he was afraid of that. we were young too. we never even had a relationship, but when he was gone, it felt like i was missing something. is that weird? it's like feeling pain in your arm when you are paralyzed. it's not there, it can't be, but you feel it. i don't know what the future holds, but i sure hope it holds a love for me that i wanted to have with AB.